The One You Really Love
by gallifrey10valkryie
Summary: A year and a half has passed since Rose and the human Doctor have returned to Pete's World. Everything appears relatively normal, but is it? The Doctor writes a letter to Rose, sending her an ultimatum of sorts. Please R&R! The second chapter is now up!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! It's me again! So, this is a story about how 10.5 feels after spending some time in Pete's World. Read on for more!**

**While I was writing this, I had the song "The One You Really Love" by The Magnetic Fields stuck in my head. This was originally going to be a songfic, but it developed into this. I'm considering adding some chapters, but I still don't know.**

**Disclaimer-I don't own Doctor Who. The BBC does.**

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The One You Really Love

As he finished writing the letter, he put it in an envelope simply labeled "Rose." He forlornly placed it on the living room table, knowing that when he came home tonight, he would have to explain himself. But it had to be done.

Several hours later, the door to the flat opened, disrupting the dark silence of the room with a resonating creak. Rose walked inside, turned on the lights, and set her purse and keys down on the entry table. She walked towards the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. It had been a very long and tiring day and she needed to relax. Rose kicked her shoes off, propped her feet up on the table, and took a sip, breathing in the wine's musky undertones. She leaned back on the couch, reflecting on her day. Quite suddenly, Rose was disrupted from her reverie by the stark white letter on the table. Curious, she picked it up, took the letter out, and started reading.

_Dear Rose, _

_This is quite possibly the most difficult letter I have ever had to write. I have written you this letter because it says everything that I'm too much of a coward to tell in person. Here it goes. To put it bluntly: I'm the Doctor, and he's me. But it's still not the same. At least for you. When you said, "But he's not you," my heart broke. And if I still had my second heart, it would have broken too. That cold, godforsaken beach always seems to be just the right place for heartbreak. Like he said, "he needs you. That's very me." It's the complete and absolute truth. I need you, even now. _

_I remember our first date, Bad Wolf, and the Cybermen. I remember when you saw your father die two times and tried to save him, only to see him die again. Yes, we have the same face and memories, but it goes beyond that. We share the same emotions. I know the pain and anguish he felt when he burnt up a sun just to say goodbye, when he lost the chance to say what he so desperately wanted to. And if I could burn up a sun for you now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd do anything to convince you that we are the same. It's just that no matter what I do, it'll never be enough for you. But I will always love you. _

_I thought that everything would be fine now that we're together, but no. Far from it. We've been together in Pete's World for a year and a half now, but you still have nightmares filled with loneliness and grief. And I can't do anything to stop them. It kills me that all I can do is hold you and tell you that it will get better, eventually. But they keep coming back. Please Rose, let me help you. You wake up, sobbing in the middle of the night, crying out for him. The one you really love and I don't know what I can do. Do you know how hard this is? Not just for you, but for me? Before I became human, I could travel across all of time and space to escape my problems. I've done that for 890 years, give or take. But now, I have to face our problems, and because I've spend so much time running away from them, I have no solutions, nothing to help you. I guess becoming human was the one way for me to truly become a man. I'm trying to help you, just please tell me what is going on. I have to know in order to help you. Is it him? Still, after all this time? I know you kissed me on the beach that day to convince him that everything was fine and that you were fine. You only did that so that some of the pain would stop. If you're staying with me out of pity or kindness, then please, just tell me and end it. That would be the kindest thing to do; to put me out of my misery because I can't go on like this; lying next to you, holding you, loving you, when all you want is him. I feel like I'm in a ménage à trois, but I'm the one who always is left out. _

_Finally, I have said everything I have been dying to say for so long now. I have made my decision to do whatever you want me to do, regardless of what I want. So Rose, it's time for you to make your decision. But remember this: no matter what, I will always love you. I always have. _

_Sincerely,_

_Your John_

Crying, Rose set the letter down and buried her head in her hands. She knew what her choice was; it just broke her heart that she made it so quickly.

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**Did you love it? Hate it? I have no idea unless you review!!! *hint hint***

**Please tell me what you think about another chapter. I'm thinking about adding Rose's perspective, but I need your feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! I just want to thank everyone who commented on the first chapter. It really helped me decide which direction I should take the story. I'm sorry it took this long to post, but I tried to do my best writing it, so hopefully you will like it!**

**Disclaimer:I don't own anything Doctor Who-related. **

**Please enjoy!**

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The One You Really Love:

Chapter 2

I sat at the dining table, staring coolly at the door, waiting for him to come home. My eyes were still red and stung from all the crying. Finally, the door opened. A little hesitant at first, because he knew what was waiting for him. And so did I.

John walked through the door like a beaten man; his head hung low, shoulders slumped, and eyes downcast. He stopped in the middle of the entryway and asked, "So, what have you decided?"

His bluntness hit me like a brick wall. I didn't expect him to be so upfront about it.

"Well, I-"

"Because you can't have it both ways, Rose," John interrupted, "this is a relationship that takes two people. Not just one, but both of us."

"I know that! What do you think I am? An idiot?!" I couldn't believe him.

"No! No, of course not," he apologized, "I'm just making sure because I didn't know if everything I wrote was clear-"

I let out a scornful and morbid laugh, cutting him off. "Oh, your letter was perfectly clear. Crystal." My words were clipped and tinged with malice and I see the hurt on his face. Sensing that the conversation was turning in my favor, I took advantage of it and pressed him further.

"What exactly brought on this surge of emotion, John?" I asked, rising from the dining room table.

He looked up at me with those deep brown eyes full of sorrow and hurt. They're his eyes. I couldn't stand them boring into me and I paced over to the kitchen, breaking his pleading gaze to stop.

"You know, a couple of nights ago-" John started out feebly.

"Yes, I remember a couple of nights ago!" I cut him off. I didn't need another reminder. I was drunk and he refused to come to bed with me and slept on the couch instead. I had one of my worst nightmares since the metacrisis that night. John had to come in and stay up with me for the rest of the night.

"When you kissed me," he continued warily, "You didn't call me John. You called me 'Doctor.'"

He and I both knew that that wasn't the first time it had happened. I tried to ignore that and asked him heatedly, "Was that it?"

"No," he sighed, "I guess it served as the catalyst for the letter. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back."

"Well, what else was it?" I demanded, praying that that was it.

"It was everything, Rose," he said, "Whenever I'm with you, it's like you're not completely there, like part of your mind has just up and left." He was right. Whenever I see him, I can only see the Doctor. It's terrible, but it's the truth.

"And how do you think I feel? Huh? This also involves me, you know? Right now, it's all about you, but what about me? What about my feelings?" I was pushing his buttons for no reason at all. Just for the sake of it, really. I didn't know why. I still don't. But I still did it.

He started breathing hard through his nose, like a dragon about to spit fire. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to stay calm, but it didn't work. I went too far and he exploded.

"It is always about you, Rose! About your pain, your feelings, what you went through!" he said. Suddenly, he becomes quiet. "And I'm done with it. I'm through with being expected to always be there. I'm through with being the replacement. I've finally realized what your decision is, so I'm not going to waste any more time trying to get you to say it."

He stormed off into the bedroom. It took a couple moments for me to register what he was doing. His words hit me like a brick wall and I ran towards the bedroom. He's packing a duffel bag. I hugged him from behind, sobbing and saying, "No, no, don't! Please don't! Don't leave me!"

He pushed me away brusquely. I stumbled backwards and fell onto the floor with my back against the wall. He finished packing and made his way to the door. Just as he reached it, he turned back towards me and said, "Goodbye, Rose."

Then he left, slamming the door behind him. The noise echoed in my ears and shook me down to the core. I curled up into a ball and tried to drown it out with my sobs, but to no avail. After my sobbing died down to the occasional dry heave and a sniffle, I'm left with a cold, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that slowly spread to the rest of my body. Once the frigid numbness seeped into every part of me, I crawled into bed with my runny make-up and tear-stained clothes still on, preparing myself for the worst night of my life.

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